WHEN YOUR EX SAYS HAVE A NICE LIFE PLUS

вЂA couple of friends took a beat or two to respond when I told them about my plans,вЂ™ says Simon. SimonвЂ™s family and close friends knew of his long-standing desire to be a dad but, given his age and the fact that he would be a lone parent, felt duty-bound to point out the pitfalls.

When I reached 50 I thought, вЂњItвЂ™s now or neverвЂќ and I started looking into surrogacy seriously.вЂ™ вЂBut I remember seeing my nephew for the first time, back in 1997, and feeling this tug, a real visceral knowing that I was related to this little human being, that we share a gene pool. I could have tried to adopt, though I think a single, gay man would still be right at the back of the queue. вЂIвЂ™d heard so often that thereвЂ™s nothing like the joy of parenthood, nor the love you feel for your child and I didnвЂ™t want to miss out. However, soon afterwards, she met a man and they went on to marry and have children of their own.ДЄfter the breakdown of another relationship, Simon returned to the UK in 2011 still determined to find a way to fulfil his dream on his own. However, despite several long-term relationships, none of SimonвЂ™s partners was interested in parenthood.Д«urnt-out after spending 15 years working вЂvery long hoursвЂ™ as a barrister in property litigation, in his late 30s Simon moved to Sydney, Australia, where he retrained as a lecturer.ДЄt one stage, he and a single female friend, who also desperately wanted children, explored the idea of conceiving through artificial insemination and co-parenting together. There was a glimmer of hope, he says, in the late-1990s when he read about Barrie Drewitt and Tony Barlow, a gay couple based in Essex, who had twins with the help of a U.S. вЂI thought, вЂњThat sounds like funвЂќ,вЂ™ Simon says.ДЄs he was вЂin denialвЂ™ about being gay until the age of 25, it took another eight years before it dawned on Simon that he was unlikely to ever become a father. Law lecturer Simon, who runs a course at University College London, had nurtured the idea of having a child since he was 17 when, seeing him taking care of one of his cousins at a family party, an aunt remarked: вЂYouвЂ™ll make a great dad one dayвЂ™. Time will tell if his admirable logic outweighs the exhausting reality of single-parenthood in your 50s, but his heart is definitely in the right place.

вЂJust as I believe that women can do anything a man can in the workplace, I believe the same is true in reverse in the home.вЂ™

Single-parent families have existed for decades and resulted mostly in well-Вbalanced children who havenвЂ™t suffered. To these critics, Simon, now 56, says: вЂThat sort of thinking is very blinkered, anchored in the 1950s, where the image we had of parenting was always of a mum and dad and their children. Of course, there will be some who believe it was unethical for Simon to use his money and privilege to buy his way into parenthood - not to mention those who think it is irresponsible to then raise that child without a mother, and at a time in his life when heвЂ™ll be beyond retirement age before his son hits puberty.

WHEN YOUR EX SAYS HAVE A NICE LIFE PLUS

The whole process cost Simon, an Oxford-educated barrister-turned-academic, the best part of ВЈ200,000 in legal, medical, travel, agency and accommodation costs, plus the fees to the two women who made it all possible.

When your ex says have a nice life